Letters to Adi – 4th September

Dont wish me on my birthday,
Dont wish me on new year,
When you’ve made up your mind,
Ill only wish you were here.

Cant live without you,
Cant even live with this fear,
When i’ve accomplished everything,
Ill want you to share with me a happy tear.

Wont ever stop loving you,
Wont stop missing my boo,
When you wish to settle down,
Ill wish you can pick this stupid clown.

I’ve said so many things,
But this isnt goodbye,
When the dust seems to settle,
My arms lay wide open for you my sweetie pie.

Dont know how love can be so cruel and kind at the same time. I stare at your picture wondering if it was ever hard for you or was i just a page you could easily turn over. I silently scream in darkness knowing that there isn’t anyone around who could hear, waiting for an answer i know ill never get. Not knowing what life has in store for me, because you were the closest I would ever get to feeling happy. I close my eyes and shed a tear not knowing if you would for me, just have the memories of your smile, the laughter, the hugs and the anticipation of seeing you just once more. I used to think that people always come back to you when you are kind and honest about your feelings, but i am here replaying the day you left not even trying to ask if another chance meant that i would repeat the mistakes or would actually bring us much closer. The coldness in your voice brings me mixed emotions, unable to process why you would want to be rude to someone who if not now was once something to you. My mind telling me to cut the call and not take more pain but then the heart forgave your behaviour knowing that you still meant something to me. I dont know where to go from here, should i take the path that leads me to my eventual death alone or do i take the one that i dreamt of walking with you hoping that someday you would catch up and hug me from behind bringing me the warmth i so badly crave now. All i know now is that im at this crossroad trying to pick up the pieces of my heart, fumbling and searching for my favourite person to help me pick them up and make me whole again. And until that day i know for sure ill be standing right here in the rain and the blistering sun waiting for my baby to come and give me a sign, unfold an umbrella so i dont have to stand here lonely, hurt and incomplete. Wishing her hands wipe these drops of tears and whispering that i am loved still… 

Love always,

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